Reasoning ....

"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."
Jacques Benigne Bossuel

Reason with me, tell me how.. Understanding 'me' has become an impossible task.. I know you wonder 'why'.. and I keep on asking myself 'why not'.. You encourage the best in me, while bringing out the worst..

Reason with me, tell me why.. I miss your smile.. your laughter.. I hate the silence when you are not around.. with you, silence speaks louder than my screams..

Reason with me, tell me if.. I am the one who can make you lose all reason.. the one who can make you smile at the end of a long, hard day.. the one you want to see when you close your eyes.. the one who's always there when the light comes shining through..

love.. madness.. sense.. sensibility..

I have loved to the point of madness;
That which is called madness,
That which to me,
Is the only sensible way to love."
Françoise Sagan

I sat watching the curtains blow in the wind while he categorically broke my heart into pieces.. I moved, body and shattered soul, into a future dark with fear, uncertainty and awash in waves of pain.. pains ignored and left behind in a distant past.. I was alone once more..

Chaos engulfed my little world.. The life awakening in me stood still for a while.. I was jolted out of my reverie, and I coaxed her to breathe again, to hold my hand as she came out, as we forayed into the unknown.. Heads held high, we were two fighters bent on taking on the world..

Durga Puja

Click on the image for a larger view

Today is the first day of Durga Puja.. a festival we Bengalis eagerly await every year.. clear blue skies and the feel of festivity in the air.. brings out the child in all of us..

Here's wishing you all a wonderful Sharodiya :-)

A million pages from my mind

A dormant dream of writing.. not just for the pleasure of it, but to speak my mind about issues closest to my heart. Words I've said only to myself. Thoughts swimming in my head during showers, mothering and typing away through official correspondence. Feelings swept under the carpet woven out of 'diplomacy' and 'tact'.

As a young girl, during some really dark hours, the wish to write was a dream born out of a this hidden desire to scream, albeit silently. Through the following years, however, the only thing that remained of that dream was resonance of those stifled screams. To be perfectly honest, I did not try hard enough. It's a relief to finally be able to say it.. I did not try. Is it ever too late to change that? I hope not.

Now that I want to say things, I can't seem to find the right words. I do hope that's going to change with successive posts.

More later? Mmmmmm.. maybe..

Blogging my mind ..

Stuck between 'should' and 'maybe' is not a good place to be. Thought I'd reach out beyond and venture into the more complex world of "What the hell !", after tip-toeing through "Might as well..". Brave of me.. although not sure how long the tranquilizers will help. I might actually have to write something decent.. scary thought !! (Big consolation: I can still just log off and forget KoelzBlog existed beyond the realms of my blogging dreams.)

As an inaugural blog, the best thing to do would be to write some really witty stuff about myself; facts, fears & fetishes for instance. But for the life of me, I don't know where to start.. HELP !!